The Power of Words

Words are powerful. When used in conversation or in a letter, they express emotion or deep feelings. With them you can support and encourage, express love and affection, show gratitude and appreciation as you offer genuine thanks. Words can describe beauty and offer praise. They can build someone up and provide hope. Words can bring a smile or a tear as memories from days past are brought to mind. They can bring laughter through stories or real-life situations. Words can be warm and comforting.

Words can also create negative emotions. They can bring discouragement and despair. They can tear another down and shatter the heart. They can hurt and destroy. When expressing anger or disappointment, words can leave another feeling broken and defeated. Taken to the extreme, words repeatedly thrown carelessly or with evil intent can bring destruction upon another.

"No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My friends, these things ought not be so." (James 3:8-10)

A few months ago I received a letter from someone close to me that left me wounded. Without giving the person's name or gender, I'll refer to this person as Pat. Pat had obvious expectations at a recent gathering and I had disappointed Pat. It didn't matter that I had brought a gift for Pat to recognize a special occasion. It seemed forgotten that as Pat was opening my gift there was one negative comment after another as each piece of the gift was revealed. I personally felt nit-picked by Pat over the entire 2-day gathering with suble comments that were uncalled for. So I was surprised when I got home to receive a thank-you note for the gift, followed immediately by a scathing letter of disapproval and shame.

The letter created stinging tears of unbelief as disappointments over the years were revealed. It wasn't the first time I had heard it. This happened before and I responded then with a letter explaining some very difficult years I had been through that were unknown to those closest to me. The honesty and vulnerability brought the healing I hoped for -- yet the recent letter proved that things were no different.

Much in the letter wasn't even true. Pat seemed to pull things out of the air and create things that were assumed rather than checking facts. Instead of writing about the specific disappointments at the gathering, things were brought up from many years ago. Even as I read between the lines of hurt and anger and feelings of disappointment in Pat's life, I felt the sting of words that were intended to hurt me. I felt stabbed in the back by someone with whom I was supposed to be close. I didn't understand why I had received such a letter and why such hatred was spilling from the page. I searched over each detail of the weekend as to what would trigger this reaction.

At the same time, I realize that while the details in the letter weren't accurate, it was Pat's perception of the weekend. That thought alone was enough to make me examine my actions to see where I might have brought discord, and I know that my reaction to Pat's constant nit-picking were less than kind. Still, no one deserves to receive such a scathing letter of sheer disapproval and shame. After many tears shed and prayers for guidance as to how to respond, I felt God saying that the best response was no response.

Now, many months later, the occasional thought of the letter still brings a quick jab to my heart and I am saddened by the discord between us. I do pray daily for Pat and for healing in our relationship. I hope someday to have a face-to-face conversation to bring things into the open and be able to get to the core of the problem. In the meantime, I have become more aware of the word, Grace. I look at my own life and see how far I have fallen short of God's glory (Romans 3:23), and yet the Amazing Grace He shows to me every day. My prayer every morning now is that I will show that grace to others.

"Why do you look at the speck in your friend's eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye? . . . first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your friend's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)

A friend of mine said that her father taught her from a young age to have her words go through three doors: 1) Are they true? 2) Are they necessary? 3) Are they kind?

Words . . . they can tear down or they can build up. They can discourage or they can encourage. Use them wisely. Every word spoken to another reaches the heart of God.

"We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn't live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, 'The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.'" (Romans 15:2-3)

"Therefore, encourage one another and build each other us, just as you are doing."
(1 Thessalonians 5:11)